yukishiido

I finally beat Persona 3! Wow. What a trip. It was absolutely AMAZING, that's for sure. I'll admit, I bawled. Absolutely AMAZING.

Onto The Answer!

Thanks to my friend Thomas, I got into the Persona series, and from there I decided to try out the entire Shin Megami Tensei series. (Well, actually, really just Nocturne. The rest I've not played yet.) I found out about an online game called Shin Megami Tensei: Imagine Online, and I wound up finding out that it's being translated into English.

So, I got to sign up for the closed beta test. I get to try and find bugs and such, and get acquainted with the game. It's pretty fun so far; it's much more action-oriented than other MMOs, and plus you get to capture a bunch of demons (think demonic Pokemon). It's glitchy and stuff because it's still closed beta, but I'm havin' fun with it. the main page is megaten.aeriagames.com.

And of course, I'm doing this a) because I actually like the game, and b) because doin' this will get me some free points. XD If you guys are interested, try it out when it goes into Open Beta! It's actually pretty fun.

This isn't meant to be depressing; I'm not in a depressed mood. But... still. I somewhat reflected on myself earlier.

I have to wonder... what I'm actually good for. What my outstanding qualities are. I mean... well, I honestly can't think of what I'm good at. I don't have a big personality like the student council people. My drawings look like a three-year-old drew them. My grades aren't amazing, my writing is mediocre at best, and my singing has gotten 5 stars on YouTube for being awful.
I'm not in the highest band at my school (despite wanting to be for years), I'm not section leader, and I can't stop squeaking my secondary instrument no matter how hard I try. I hardly ever have any real idea on how to give advice, or how to handle people's pain other than to say I'll be there for them, and even with that, it sounds like a typical "Oh, you're hurt" thing to say. Hell, some people are great at videogames, but even that I'm simply mediocre in. My hyperactivity annoys people, yet when I'm not hyper they're irritated that I'm not my usual self; my clinginess and general hyperactive uke-ness scared off my boyfriend and I'm pretty sure has caused some people that would possibly be my friends to dislike me.

It seems to me like I'm not particularly *good* at anything; my entire life is filled with mediocrity, regardless of my dreams or what I work at.

I want to find my passion. I want to find what I'm talented at, even if I have to work to make myself better for it. But... I can't think of anything. I don't have a set personality, the core that makes me, well, me. Other people have their dancing, their singing, their instruments, drawing, *something* that helps define who they are, that gives them something to actually do and love.

While I enjoy singing (and I will admit, a dream of mine for the past few years has been to be able to become a great singer, to be in a band and make great music), I feel like there's very little chance I can improve. The chances of me continuing as either a percussionist or clarinetist past high school (or even college) are very little.

I just... want to find me. The thing that defines me, what I want to do, what I love, what I have a talent for that I want to refine and make amazing instead of just decent. I want to find the one part of me that isn't mediocrity, but... my life seems to swim in it.

"Quiero vivir
Quiero gritar
Quiero sentir
el universo sobre me
Quiero correr en libertad
Quiero encontrar mi sitio."

"I want to live
I want to shout
I want to feel
the universe around me
I want to run freely
I want to find my place."
~AMARAL, "El Universo Sobre Mi"

What makes me, me? What is there that I have that's actually outstanding, that isn't mediocre?

http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=LvUNADIJR8E

This girl's voice is BEAUTIFUL. She won the singing contest she entered in.


She makes me wanna sing more and get actually decent.

At 6:30 am on Saturday, November 15, a member of the pit at a local high school marching band was hit and killed by a drunk driver while on the way to a parade her band was going to be marching in.

Our pit received the news later that morning. Our instructor works there with their pit, and we've warmed up and mingled with them several times. We weren't close, but nevertheless... we will miss her.

all this election drama is totally ridiculous. "Oh, this is horrible, our country is dead!!" stuff, or "OMG WE WON YAAAY OBAMA IS THE BESTEST EVAAAAAAAAR!"... seriously.


Yes, it's a big important thing. But don't go overboard; we don't KNOW how it's gonna go yet. So instead of actin' like it's the end/beginning of the world, just wait and see.


Also, as for Prop 102... it sucks. Badly. But we'll see what happens concerning it. For all we know it may eventually be repealed because of constitutional rights or something. So... yeah. It sucks. And it hurts that some of my friends supported it. But we'll just have to wait and see, for everything. This election drama is rather obnoxious to me.


~~~

Anyway. I get my new phone soon =) Sorry I've not been bloggin'. I've not had my compy until recently. So hopefully I'll do it more now. See y'all later! (... why did I just say y'all?)

Also, newest ATT Rollover commercial is hilarious. Much better than the milky minutes.